A few times too many in my young life, I have happened to sit in front of people who felt freer with me. So much so they would produce water with their eyes.
I hold that dear. Every single one of those encounters.
Trust… tears… blessings.
I have always had a serious problem with friendships or anything else wherein people cannot be their weak selves. Where they cannot show up tattered. Bruised. Staggering along. And needing a space to just talk and bear all without worry.
I don’t know where I get it. Well, didn’t even know I had it. Not until a few people told me that they can speak to me about any thing. Even things they don’t talk about with their family members, and in some cases, their lovers. Some can’t even talk to their friends about things that bother them. Things that shake them to the core. It is very sad to witness.
And what’s interesting is, this is not something I switch on when I want people to trust me. I often find myself – unwittingly – in the depths of deep trust and very heavy issues with people. It just happens. Am I good at that? Perhaps.
But no. It is my aura that lets people know I am genuine. It’s something they sense and automatically, they relax and let their tiring guards down.
I find it priceless.
I find it special.
I see it as being a strong bond worth protecting, fiercely.
I look at it with admiration.
I get tickled pink at the prospect of developing deep trust with another human being.
Okay, okay. I am sucker for intimacy.
I love it.
I could rub it down.
I could straight down eat it.
I don’t do well with make believe.
I fail dismally at charming people.
It’s too much work; it’s too phony.
I do it organically.
Which means, I never charm people to trust me – they get charmed.
I never soften them with tricks; they squirm with delight when they sense authenticity.
They are human beings, sensing things is hardwired in them.
It’s hard to find these days.
Oh, where has such a necessity gone?
Without it, you might as well declare human relationships useless.
Vulnerability. It bothers me when people cannot manage to be meek because they know predators may be lurking nearby. People who don’t care what they feel. They may act like it, though – depending on what’s to gain. We are all people, we get our self confidence trampled upon badly from time to time.
Hence tears are inevitable.
I’ve seen rivers of them in my time.
There is so much joy that comes with… when another human being openly opens themselves up to you. When they become absolutely naked in front of you, emotionally speaking, and hand you their heart to handle delicately. Although exhilarating, it can get messy. For one, you have some power over the person who fully trusts you. You can use their trust against them. You can manipulate them. You can hurt them. You can take and toss their innocence to the wolves. That’s why trust is such a precious thing.
I remember thinking to myself. When a strong, sturdy and beautiful human being breaks down in front of me, and lets me see their tears, it is nothing to take lightly. And true to form, I made sure they knew their trust is appreciated and handled with care.
Coming to think of it, it was a fulfilling time. When I helped gather the pieces of her heart. That’s when it all started. She gained her confidence back. During that mostly painful time, I never let her down – that’s how I now get a decent sleep when the night falls. She left her innocence and vulnerability with me. She left it all with me.